By Bianca Alba
The Covel dining hall had recently announced its decision to remove any chocolate froyo and ice cream dispensers all over and replace them with strawberry instead. This decision has caused an uproar from student groups all across campus, including various diversity groups.
Sam Joe Watson, president of activist campus group Mouthful Justice Warlords, remarked “This is beyond unacceptable. These people are literally the worst people that humanity has ever witnessed in their entirety. We here in this group aim to promote a very accepting and universal environment that tolerates any person of any kind or viewpoint, and we think that the people in charge of this decision should get the fuck off of our campus.” Sam was earlier seeing streaking naked near Covel with Hershey’s Chocolate syrup on himself, in an apparent peaceful demonstration.
Famed UCLA law professor Cranberry Coleslaw, a noted Na’vi rights advocate, made a statement on the controversy, in which she discussed how Covel “earlier attempted to marginalize Na’vi communities by playing Avatar and calling it fiction, and removing blueberry desserts from their menu. As a chocoloving non-sprinkles flavorist, I am ashamed at the discrimination that the flavor has faced. I cannot comment on the strawberry flavor as it is also a minority on campus, but I am surprised that the vanilla flavor is still allowed all of its privilege without question here. The struggle is evidently still going on.”
The move drew particular ire from campus political party Let’s Snack, whose spokesperson Goli Falooda commented, “This is a disgrace on all counts. They have only one station serving green tea ice cream, and even that one’s in Feast! And they don’t even have any horchata flavored ice cream. This does not in any sense promote an inclusive environment at our campus.” Goli has been one of several student leaders pressuring Covel to serve chocolate milk instead of plain white milk.
Bianca Alba is a first-year from Italy whose favorite gelato flavor is vanilla.