Prospective kindergartner already declared for hopscotch draft

By Jim Quora

Early reports have confirmed that 4-year old, 4’2” Kevin Baloney has already been declared for the 2016-2017 Hopscotch Draft at UCLA. Sources say that Coach Ben Howling had openly expressed his strong support for Kevin’s place on the team.

“Some might consider this an early decision, but I feel that it was now or never with a gold player like this,” said Mr. Howling. “Kevin displays an incredible amount of energy and spirit, and I strongly believe he would make a great addition. He can jump long and wide, clear the hopscotch track fast and still maintain his composure. We need him for this team.”

With regards to his education, Mr. Howling responded, “We’re offering Kevin a full sports scholarship. He’s smart – he knows how to spell ‘University Of California, Los Angeles’ without a single error, so he’ll do fine.” Mr. Howling later revealed that Kevin would be enrolled next fall and would have to take courses such as Math 31A and Eng Comp 3.
It was revealed that Kevin was originally considered for the UCLA Hide And Seek draft. A spokesperson commented, “Kevin was originally up for that, but we felt his forte was more toward hopscotch. We’re still looking for the last person on our team, however – he’s that good.”


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